I hate the feeling of thinking but I can’t process the thoughts. It’s not like my mind’s blank. There’s something there. It wants to tell me what to say or what to write, but the words aren’t coming out. It wants to delve into my psyche and pull what’s there out. But what if there’s nothing there? And that’s the thing, I’m not sure.
But there has to be something, right? I mean here I am processing something. I can’t find a way to describe it either. It’s like I’m a fly on a wall, but instead of looking inside someone else’s life, I’m watching my own. And sometimes it doesn’t even feel like it’s my life. It’s like I’m watching TV and the only show is me. Sometimes I want to flick through the channels and find something more interesting to watch.
It’s like the Truman Show where everyone tunes in to watch Truman Burbank’s life. Every aspect is under a microscope. I guess I feel that way too. People are watching me constantly and I wonder what they’re thinking, or in particular what they think about me. And how can they really know what to think about me when I don’t know what to think about myself?
I want to single out a thought and make something out of it. I want to find the words to describe what I want to say. But really, I’m not even sure what I want to say. It feels like there’s nothing there. But again there has to be something, right? The thoughts, the words, they’re there. At least, I think. Maybe I’ll be able to find what’s there. Maybe I can someday put words to how I feel, to describe what I’m trying to say.
Stumbled upon this while in the linkin park tag lol. But a rant really relevant to all writers, just keep working at it, u’ll find you have alot more to say when you stop thinking about it too much ;)